A Sad Time

It has been a painful couple of days here in Minneapolis. Our thoughts are with those hurting right now, and those undertaking the massive search effort of the 50-60 cars in the water. It is times like these that remind us to be thankful for all that we have. Jia's smiles keep us going. Here are some smiles to keep you going as well.

Our Venture Up North

We drove up north for a little getaway. The big highlights were going biking, hitting the local zoo and aquarium, watching the huge boats and finding a young Great Horned Owl on a hike.


After looking out our window at this sight, Jia was compelled to say, "I LOVE MOON!"



I love these photos because I think she looks like a little windswept farm girl.

Travel Group Fun!

We hosted a get together with our travel group to celebrate the one year anniversary of when our daughters joined our families. We had a terrific time and the girls all got along famously.

Here's Jia nice and clean before everyone arrived.


Here are the three girls one year ago munching a snack on the red couch.


Here are the girls one year later (different order) - as you can see, it is still hard to get a good photo.


Can you see the little grin that Jia has here as she's about to climb up on the table (something she isn't supposed to do)?


Below you will see evidence of some of the girls' raucous fun...Big sister hanging onto little sister and Jia hanging onto the front while they rocked wildly and screeched with laughter.


Pretending to be kitties...


Time to create with chalk and paint.

Family Day

Our Family Day celebration with Jia was truly fun. We decided to go to a local aquarium. At the touch tank, she wanted to pet those rays and sharks forever! We took her on a few rides afterward. I think we will have a bungee jumper on our hands in a few years! We were worried that she'd be scared on the rides, after all, she is not even two. To the contrary, when each ride was over she nearly threw a fit and excitedly yelled, "MORE!!!!!" We ate dinner at a traditional Chinese restaurant. They even had congee, a flashback to the old days.

During the evening, we gave Jia a doll that we purchased for her in China. I asked her what she wanted to name it and she said, "Baby Jane." I was surprised and touched. (The doll is also permanently sleeping but we won't speculate as to what that all means.)

To honor her history, we also started the process to pay the monthly care fees for a little girl from Jia's welfare institute in China.

As noted below, she has come a long way, and so have we. We are delighted to be here.

Tagged.

I've been tagged (as in "Tag, you're it!")

This means that I'm supposed to divulge eight facts about myself.

Here are the rules:

1. I have to post the rules before I give the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts about him or herself.
3. At the end of the post, the player tags eight people and lists their names.
4. The player then comments on the blogs of those eight people telling them they've been tagged.

Here are the facts:

1. I became a strict vegetarian at age three. My mom says that I came home from preschool around Thanksgiving and realized that the turkeys we'd been drawing were the same as what we'd be eating. I told her that animals were my friends and that I did not want to eat them. She thought it was a phase but it lasted for twenty years. I have now lapsed and eat fish and poultry on occasion.

2. One of my favorite adventures was going scuba diving at night with manta rays over 12 feet in length.

3. I am slightly embarrassed that we all have names that start with the letter "J" in our family as it is so cutesy, and as a result, often feel the need to tell people that Jia was her Chinese name.

4. I was on a flight in Patagonia that nearly crashed due to extreme wind. I refused to get on our connecting flight which forced us to take a 22 hour bus ride across South America. Within one-half hour of leaving, the entire bus was covered in mud so we could not see outside. I was so rattled that I cried for two days.

5. I am terrified of spiders. I'm trying to not pass my fear onto Jia, so yesterday, when she said, "Uh-oh! Mama, here!" and then handed me a spider, I actually kept my cool. (It was small.)

6. While on a island with sketchy safety standards, I accidentally chose to go on a "high-flying" boat for parasailing that sent me over 50 stories in the air. There was no harness, only a swing seat.

7. I took sailing lessons as a kid. My friend and I were known as the "screamers" and routinely flipped our boat, floated into the swimming beach and once rammed into the ferry which was carrying seniors on a outing.

8. I don't always follow rules. And I don't always follow tradition. (See, I started a sentence with "and.") So, to thwart these rules, I won't be tagging anyone, but if anyone else is inspired and wants to share eight facts, please go right ahead!


On a side note, thanks to everyone for the comments on the last post. We could not have survived the year without supportive people like you!

We've come a long way, baby!

Today is the one-year anniversary of the day we received Jia. It has been quite the journey.

On that unforgettable day last year, we crowded into a hot meeting room in a hotel in Wuhan, China along with nearly 40 other families. Our post about it is here. It was chaotic to say the least. We heard Jia, over all the other screaming children, before we even saw her. Her trauma was palpable. Indeed, every time I try to watch the video of the moment we received her, I have to turn it off. Her sheer terror breaks my heart.

We foolishly hadn't been too worried about attachment. I knew it would take a little time, but she was not even a year old. Still a baby, we thought. Yet, what we faced was an intensely grieving, malnourished, hysterical wanna-be toddler. She clung to Joe immediately, for days, out of fear. He had to constantly hold her, most of the time while standing up. If he tried to even sit down with her she would dissolve into tears instantly. She wanted nothing to do with me the entire time we were in China.

We hoped that things would improve once we returned home. It didn't go as planned. On our flight home, Jia had an allergic reaction, swelled up, turned purple and broke out in hives that covered her body. At that point, we just wanted her to survive the flight. We made an emergency landing and spent Jia's first day in the US at a hospital.

I had my own share of medical issues as well. I contracted whooping cough in China and it appeared the day we returned. I lost my voice, and repeatedly coughed to the point of vomiting and nearly losing consciousness. The violent coughing broke my ribs. I often could not pick up Jia without extreme pain. There was no sleep due to my illness, and Jia's sleep patterns caused her to awaken crying nearly every hour. This lasted for about six months. Thankfully Jia was vaccinated against whooping cough. But Joe went to work after a week home and there we were, the two of us, supposedly bonding.

I knew that we had our work cut out for us. I got into research mode, and quickly read all I could about attachment, contacted resources and tried to learn as much as possible. Then we tried to implement the ideas. They were often not successful. Swimming was widely promoted as fostering attachment as it forces the child to cling to the parent. We excitedly planned a weekend at a quiet pool. We arrived in our suits and waded in. This was the moment! She would let me hold her! Well, this kid thought she could swim on her own. She became increasingly frustrated by my efforts to keep her afloat to prevent drowning. We decided that this attachment tool was not effective for us, and plodded along, hoping the next one would work.

Other factors came into play. For example, I never dreamed that I could have issues attaching to her. I had wanted her so much. For 30 years. I was three when my parents adopted my sister and I knew then, without a doubt, that I wanted to create my family the same way.

We knew that were were so lucky to have Jia. She was sweet, smart, beautiful and funny - everything we wanted in a kid and more. But it was hard to attach to a kid who kept pushing away over and over again. To put your heart out there and have it trampled on repeatedly. We weren't nearly the parents we thought we would be. But we persisted nonetheless.

Over the months, the attachment efforts, along with time, effected change in all of us. I finally got to report, "She let me wear her in the carrier!" "I got to look at her face when I rocked her!" "She let me hug her without pushing away and screaming!" Then, the better stuff, "She kissed me - unsolicited!" "She hugged me - on her own!"

We also found great joy in all that she was learning. Every time we'd teach her something new, she'd shout, "MORE!" She loved being a little sponge. Her exuberance for life was contagious.

And she helped us through some other tough times. In the past few months, Joe's mom died unexpectedly. Joe's brother died tragically. A family friend died suddenly. One of my clients, for whom I worked hard to have released from prison, died in a car accident the day she gained her freedom. Through all this, Jia was a constant force reminding us that life barrels on.

We work on attachment every day. It is a slow journey, but we are making it. She often requests to hold our hands, and likes to be close to us. The other evening, during our nightly cuddle time, out of the blue, Jia said, "Baba happy. Mama happy. Jia happy." We have come a long way.

Happy 4th of July!

Here are some pictures of our newest little citizen!