Know someone who is sensory defensive?

I thought I would write a post about sensory-defensiveness. It's very long - sorry. Please skim or pass over if it doesn't apply to anyone you know!

A sensory-defensive individual is one whose senses often feel assaulted just through regular living - too loud, too tight, too itchy, picky eater, etc. The Wikipedia definition is: a tendency to react negatively or with alarm to sensory input which is generally considered harmless or non-irritating.

Many post-institutionalized kids have sensory issues due to lack of sensory exposure at the beginning stages of life, and as many blog readers have adopted children who were in institutionalized care, I thought I'd post what I know about sensory defensiveness.

Neither Jia nor Willa is sensory defensive - but I am. I'm not aware of any good reason for it. I wasn't raised in an orphanage, I'm not autistic and I wasn't a preemie. But nevertheless, on the scale, I have had at least 38 of the 40 indicators over my lifetime. Thankfully, I didn't have a lot of the social stuff that can go along with sensory processing issues, but the sensory stuff was a struggle enough for me (and my poor parents).

I am the opposite of an authority on the subject. I've skimmed some books and articles and contacted some resources, but that's it. But as I spent my childhood with various sensory issues, I thought I would paint a picture of what my life is like as an adult now, as someone who has never had any therapy for it.

Indeed, I just believed that I was slightly weird as a kid. However, a few years ago a colleague told me she was taking her kid to an occupational therapist for sensory issues. She described them and I thought, "Hey, that's me! And this kid is doing quite well in comparison!" It was my first foray into it.

There are different ways sensory processing issues can present themselves. I've pretty much had them all. Overall I've determined that although I still face sensory challenges, I have found many ways to accommodate them. It is the key to living peacefully in my own skin.

Tactile defensiveness, or hyper-responsiveness to touch, is one of the ways. As a kid, I had to have all my tags cut out of my clothing. I wore my socks and underwear inside out because of the seams. Combing my long hair was an exercise in torture. Now, as an adult, I do not wear wool or any scratchy materials, no matter how slight. I wear looser clothing and will get rid of anything too tight at the wrist, waist or armpits. I am still bothered by some tags, and cannot wear flip-flops. And you'll never catch me walking barefoot.

I also still get a creepy feeling when someone brushes against me lightly. Strong touch is much better than light touch. I still hate having my hands dirty, especially sticky, but this doesn't hinder me from doing messy things. I just wash my hands a lot (but not in an OCD manner). I only do it if they're truly dirty. But I'll do it even if I know they're going to get messy again instantly, like during cooking or doing art. As an adult, this all plays out relatively normally. I buy clothes I like, I wear what I want, and I wash my hands. No big deal.

Tactile defensiveness is present with food too. As a child, I had an extreme intolerance to certain textures. For example, although I loved the taste of yogurt, I couldn't actually eat a bite until my 20's. To accommodate when I was a child, I would just dip my spoon in and lick it off but would gag at an entire bite of it. I don't face any of these issues anymore, and eat yogurt all the time.

Auditory defensiveness occurs too for certain sounds. This one hasn't been much of a concern. As an adult, I just go inside when my neighbor uses his leaf blower or car vacuum. However, I can't accomplish anything, even cleaning, when music is on. Even classical music. My brain just can't process both things at the same time.

Visual defensiveness includes hypersensitivity to light. As a child, and an adult, sitting in direct sunlight makes me very uncomfortable. Sometimes the lights in the house seem too bright to me. Besides the regular occurrence of sunlight, one significant place this light sensitivity plays out is in stores. Particularly large warehouse-type stores and malls. I still have trouble shopping. Whether it's the fluorescent lights or the space, I instantly "wilt" as we call it. As a kid I would become so lethargic that I would nearly fall asleep upon entering some stores. I could literally no longer walk. Given the wonderful option of on-line shopping, I can nearly avoid shopping altogether so this is rarely an issue anymore. I can also handle it a lot better now and do just fine on short trips.

Olfactory defensiveness means that the person is very bothered by certain smells which aren't such a big deal to other people. I've been pretty okay in this regard. I do remember a few times this has presented itself in recent history though. When Joe and I were in Cambodia we visited the lake of Tonle Sap. It was during the dry season and much of the outer edge of the lake had turned to muck. As people were still living in this area and using it on a regular basis, this muck was, and smelled like, a combination of sewage and rotting fish. We drove a long way to get to the lake and upon exiting our vehicle I remember thinking, "Oh no. I can't do this. We came all this way and I'm going to vomit at the smell. I can't get out of the car." Joe thought the smell was gross, but it didn't pose any barrier to him. To me, it did. I eventually took a huge breath and walked the planks over the muck, boarded our boat and made my way just fine.

Then there's vestibular defensiveness. This has to do with movement. I was always carsick as a kid. I still can't read in cars, trains or even airplanes. I still often have motion sickness but not to the extent I did as a child. "Gravitational insecurity" is part of this. In my case this means I detest being upside down, hanging my head upside down or even bending over with my head slightly lower than normal. I feel like I'm going to pass out and my head is going to explode at the same time. This one is still very prevalent, much more than the others. So absolutely no yoga for me.

I have inadvertently discovered some of the therapies used for this. Weighted blankets are sometimes used by therapists for kids with sensory integration dysfunction. Somehow I realized early on that I need to sleep with very heavy covers and blankets, no matter the temperature. It does help.

Thankfully, there are many useful books and therapies out there to help with sensory processing issues. Just Google "sensory processing", "sensory integration" or "sensory defensive" for scads of resources. My wish in doing this is to hopefully provide some reassurance to parents of kids with sensory issues by showing that they may well grow up to lead relatively carefree lives.

A side note - thanks for your concern about Jia. The combination of the steroid/antibiotic eye ointment and Benedryl have helped tremendously and she's doing a lot better.

Poor kid

As Jia would say, "Darn, darn, darn mosquito!"

It got the inside corner of her eye and its bite spread down through her cheek and on and on.

What is art?

A lofty title for this post, I know. A series of books for kids has come to my attention. It teaches them how to draw: how to draw people, flowers, animals, mermaids, fairies, etc. Many parents are clamoring for them.

But my immediate thought is: If someone had sat down Picasso and told him, "This is how you paint a face," the world would be a little bit dimmer today.

I've always felt this way, so when Jia asks me, "Mama, how do I paint a house?" or "How do I draw a baby?" I try to get her to do her own interpretation of it instead. But it seems that she views it the same as asking, "How do I write the letter 'N'?"

I asked Joe what he thought of all of this. He said, "There's something to be said for being skilled at representational drawing." He recalled the Ed Emberley books of his youth (Emberley teaches how to draw by combining shapes and other techniques). He said that they altered his perception of the world and allowed him to view everyday things in a different way, in sum, the pieces make the whole. He felt that as long as there was exposure to different styles, then the kid could develop her own technique from this base of knowledge. (It's sort of how I view parenting books.)

I don't know that I'm convinced. But I guess I'm open to it. Our art books have been different thus far. One of our art books that I love is about Picasso and Matisse. We purchased it long before Jia was a gleam in anyone's eye. We got it at the MOMA exhibition which compared and contrasted Matisse and Picasso's work. They were contemporaries. I think "frenemies" might be an apt term for it. The book is called "When Pigasso met Mootisse" and it details their rivalry (or that of a Pig and Bull) and how they inspired each other. Jia adores this book, and we're so glad we purchased it.

At this point, when Jia does her art projects, I've been trying to stay away and just pop in now and then (so she doesn't ask me "how" to draw or paint something). Today I popped over and asked "What are you painting?" She replied, "olives and naan bread." I love it! It was especially awesome because it was her interpretation of it, not mine.

GOT IT!

We hit a different studio this morning as one last try before hiring a photographer to come to the house. The studio was the one we usually use. It was worth it! And we all actually had fun!

Willa going solo

Willa's solo photo shoot went MUCH better than our family one. Here are some shots:






Our biggest problem at this shoot is that she kept trying to eat her tutu and hat! I think it was a success!

Happy Father's Day!

We could not have had a better day. We hosted a family brunch and finally had perfect weather! Some old neighbors stopped by and joined us. Everyone had a terrific time. We hope you had a good day too.

Growing up

Here was my conversation with Jia tonight at dinner:

Me: Jia, if you could be any animal, which one would you be?

Jia: A zookeeper.

Me: Well, if you HAD to be an animal, which one would you choose?

Jia: A hippo.

Me: Why?

Jia: Because then I would be BIG!

Me: You don't need to be in a hurry to grow up.

Jia: But I'm growing up right now!

Me: Oh, I wish you could stay just the way you are. [Gives kiss] My little baby.

Jia: Mama, I'll always be your little baby. {pause} Mama, you look sad. Let me give you a hug. [Gives hug.]

Photo sitting update

I finally saw the photos from our unsuccessful photo shoot. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. They are a riot.

The portrait studios always try to do something exciting with the photos to make them look better such as borders, cute sayings, etc. They had one where Jia was looking grumpy, had her eyes crossed and her mouth wide open like she was baring her teeth. Underneath it said, "You're Invited!"

I thought, "Invited to WHAT? Please come over so my daughter can bite you!" Oh, my sides still hurt from laughing at that one. I almost want to order it for years of amusement!

Happy Days

As I've mentioned before, Jia attends daycare for about half the week. Gotta love the fun she has with her friend Zofia. It makes me so happy to get these photos during the day. (One is not recent, it's from winter, although it still hasn't been very warm here!)

Is it really that hard?

We had our first family photo shoot at a portrait studio today. It was spectacularly awful.

I had planned so far in advance. The girls had matching pink and white dresses. I wore a pink top and khaki pants. Joe wore a white shirt and khaki pants. I ironed all our clothes. I put on a decent amount of make-up. I painted my toenails and Jia's toenails to match. Joe, Jia and I all got haircuts. I made sure the kids were well-rested and well-fed before we left. I brought snacks along. We practiced smiles on the way there. I deliberately didn't talk it up too much because I didn't want it to be overwhelming, but Jia seemed excited about it.

We got there and changed into our clothes. We had fun playing with the toys prior to the shoot. We entered the studio room and Jia placed her baby doll in a position so she could watch the excitement. I told the photographer that I didn't care about positions, all I want is a photo of all of us looking at the camera and smiling. That's it.

We all went over to sit for photos and Jia completely refused to cooperate. She flopped on the floor face down, said she didn't want her picture taken, and asked how to get out. No amount of cajoling, bribery or threats worked. I would have easily taken one of her cheesy grins, but the most we got was a tongue sticking out or hand in her mouth when she did actually stand by us. Willa, on the other hand, was more than cheerful.

Jia is generally so good-natured at home. When I say, "Jia, could you please do something?" She usually replies, "Sure I can!" or "I would love to!" Her behavior was surprising. After the failed shoot, we decided to go home, eat lunch and take an early nap. We planned to talk to Jia about the shoot after nap. She doesn't have the capacity to be manipulative, but when Jia got up from her nap, it was like she knew what we were planning. She was the most charming she's ever been. She immediately gave me hugs and kisses, said she loved me SO much, sang songs to me, and then she did this for the first time:

Can you read it? I was so proud of her. Then she said, "I really want to write your name Mama." So we practiced that. By this time most of my frustration had dissolved. When we eventually talked about the shoot and told her we'd have to do it over, she very sincerely said she would cooperate next time. Who knows if it will happen. Is that too much to expect of her? Perhaps it is.

She was a good helper the rest of the day. I caught her mowing along with Joe:


I called the studio after we left and I asked if any of the photos turned out. It sounds like none did. Hoping for better luck for next time!

More of this and that

Willa has become a good eater of regular food! We have been feeding her what we eat, just mashing it first. Her favorites (of our food) are tomato soup, broccoli and cauliflower! Her favorites (of baby food) are the sweet potato puffs. She gets absolutely giddy when she sees them. I have to laugh because Willa does a few of the same things Jia did. She attempts to put everything in her mouth vertically at first (so her teething ring always starts up and down rather than sideways). She also, just like Jia, manages to eat just the inside of a pea and then she spits out the detestable outer shell.

We also have to laugh because a few weeks ago Willa spent the entire week blowing raspberries. Then she stopped and has barely blown one since. It was like she said, "Okay, raspberry developmental milestone: check." She has now moved on to squealing.

We were all sitting at the dinner table last night and Jia looked at Willa and said, "I love you baby sister." Then she started singing "You are my Sunshine" to her. A serenade! How wonderful.

We got a new swingset for the girls. A basic one with three swings. Now I can push both of them at the same time! They love it.